My intersexed girlfriend dating and being a single parent
No assumed existence of variable boundaries to how far someone will or will not explore. Just this overwhelming sense that you’re either doing it right, or doing it wrong, and if what you do or want to do or how you do things doesn’t quite fit into the vague, completely undefined script, there’s something wrong with you.heterosexual, cisgender couples’ sex lives play out like this.
Just a script, that we’re all assumed to enjoy, be okay with, follow, and also somehow intuitively know by heart, even though no one ever bothered to talk about it or teach it to us.
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I’ve been thinking and I still can’t come up with one good reason why being on top (spatially speaking) should be considered “masculine” and being on bottom considered “feminine”.
So deep does the assumed archetypal “right” way of fucking ingrain itself in our consciousness that every detail of the model (a woman on her back, legs spread, man on top of her, pelvis between her legs, penis-in-vagina intercourse) entrenches itself into our very definitions of those concepts.
As I’ve talked a bit about before, how the script is structured interrelates with how we define gender and gender roles.
And all my experiences of “normal” sex were during those awkward, formative, silly, early years, where no one has any idea what they’re doing (but feel an intense social pressure to pretend they do) and everyone is still immature, and not fully aware of their own desires and needs.
For many, I’m sure it gradually, by necessity, evolves away from the script and into actual, honest engagement with one another, negotiating desires, preferences, boundaries and needs.
Like what is and is not feminine, womanly, or conversely masculine, manly.
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If there’s one thing I absolutely, completely, unabashedly, openly do NOT miss about the heterosexual, cisgender world, and trying to live in it, it’s the approach to dating and, perhaps especially, sex. But needless to say, being queer, of any stripe, by nature demands that one go off script.